


The Great Boyfriend Debate

by doujinzii



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: 2009 VMA Awards Reference, Don't Judge Me, Fluff and Crack, M/M, My first attempt at crack tbh, Song Lyrics, Team Rocket Reference, You Already Know the Reference I'm Going to Make so Prepare Yourself
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-07-15
Updated: 2014-07-15
Packaged: 2018-02-09 01:15:04
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,680
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1963452
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/doujinzii/pseuds/doujinzii
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Oneshot.  Various ships mentioned!  What happens when Hinata can't keep his mouth shut about how great of a boyfriend Kageyama is?  The Great Boyfriend Debate of course!  Also known as the time Nekoma and Karasuno single-handedly drove Kageyama crazy.  Starts off kinda fluffly then quickly turns into a downward spiral of crack.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Great Boyfriend Debate

**Author's Note:**

> I don't have much to say...I'm posting here after posting to ff.net just hours ago so...enjoy c:

**Title:**  The Great Boyfriend Debate  
 **Author:**  Me  
 **Fandom:**  Haikyuu!  
 **Rating:**  M for language and hints of adult situations.  
 **Pairing:**  Kageyama/Hinata, Tsukishima/Yamaguchi, Asahi/Tanaka/Nishinoya, Daichi/Sugawara, Kuroo/Kenma, Ukai/Takeda  
 **Summary:**  Oneshot. Various ships mentioned! What happens when Hinata can't keep his mouth shut about how great of a boyfriend Kageyama is? The Great Boyfriend Debate of course! Also known as the time Nekoma and Karasuno single-handedly drove Kageyama crazy. Starts off kinda fluffly then quickly turns into a downward spiral of crack.  
 **Disclaimer:**  These characters are not mine, and neither is the fandom they are from! All characters belong to their respective owners, I'm just using them to fulfill a plot bunny of mine.

* * *

"Nice spike, Hinata!"

"Thank you!"

It was Karasuno's practice match against Nekoma in years, and even though Hinata had hit all of Kageyama's tosses, they were still down 15-18. It was their second game of the day, but the spiker was still optimistic about his team's chances.  _'We're so close!'_  he thought enthusiastically.

He was ripped out of his thoughts when he took a volleyball right to the face.

Coach Ukai called for a quick timeout as the rest of the team scattered around Hinata to make sure he was okay.

"Shit, Hinata! Pay better attention, dumbass!" he heard Kageyama yell, his voice getting louder as he ran towards the redhead. He reached out his hand, pulling Hinata up from the floor.

"Sh-Shut up!" he stammered as he rubbed his forehead.

A blush covered his face, however, when he felt Kageyama lean closer to him.

"Are you really okay? The ball hit your head pretty damn hard," he said, a concerned look in his eyes.

"Yeah, I'm okay." Hinata smiled reassuringly, and that was enough for Kageyama because he smiled a little bit too.

"Sorry to burst your bubble, but could you two boyfriends stop flirting? We're in the middle of a game here, take that shit outside," Tsukishima teased.

The couple sneered his way, and Kageyama was going to return to his position but stopped in his tracks when Hinata spoke up in a really loud voice.

"You're just mad because Kageyama is a better boyfriend than you could ever be!"

…

Kageyama choked, flustered by Hinata's words. He would've been flattered but he was too hung up on the fact that Hinata just confessed they were a couple. During a match. In front of their team  _and_  Nekoma too.  _'I'm going to fucking kill him later,'_  he thought with a beet red face. Kageyama turned around just to see if anyone else had actually paid attention to Hinata's outburst.

His worst fears were confirmed when he slowly turned around and looked up, the silence in the gym so deafening he could hear a pin drop.

While Hinata was still staring at Tsukishima with a detemined look on his face like an oblivious bastard, the tall blond was absolutely bewildered, and his friend Yamaguchi didn't look much better, although he was visibly flushed. Daichi-san looked mildy angry, and Suga-san covered his mouth with both his hands, his eyes wide. Azumane-san looked like he wanted to flee the gym, Nishinoya-senpai had a blank expression on his face and Tanaka-san was wearing that godawful expression that he always used. Takeda-sensei was blushing so hard he looked sick, and Coach Ukai's jaw had dropped about ten feet.

Kageyama's observations only took a few seconds but he could tell that his entire team was in shambles. One glance at Nekoma and they looked just as bad.

_'Think Tobio, think!'_  the setter willed himself to say or do something fast, the atmosphere was so heavy he could feel himself suffocating.

Luckily for him, one of his teammates got over his speechlessness just in time.

"You're wrong!"

All eyes were on Yamaguchi, his shouting taking everyone by surprise as his eyes were squeezed shut and his hands balled into fists at his sides.

Tsukishima's face got noticebly paler when the freckled boy spoke. "Yamaguchi, what are you doi—" he tried to say, but was interrupted by Hinata.

"Oh yeah?" he said, turning to the boy with a challenging look on his face.

"Y-Yeah!" yelped Yamaguchi, his fists still clenched tightly but his eyes now open. He was trembling a bit but he looked completely serious.

"How would you know?" Hinata questioned. There was a pause, and by this point Tsukishima paled even further, sending a pointed look at Yamaguchi but the boy didn't notice.

"Because!..because..." Yamaguchi replied, his voice fading towards the end.

_'Oh no,'_  Kageyama thought as he caught on to what the boy was trying to say.  _'There's no way he's about to...'_

He was proved wrong when he observed Yamaguchi take a deep breath before shouting loudly, "Because Tsukki is the best b-boyfriend I've ever had!"

…

"Goddamnit Tadashi, I thought I told you to keep your mouth shut about us!" Tsukishima yelled, obviously flustered by his boyfriend's outburst.

"I'm sorry, Tsukki, but I couldn't stand him talking bad about you!" said Yamaguchi, apology written over his features. Normally the blond would have been really upset over his lover outing them as a couple, but he couldn't bring himself to get mad at him.

Daichi thought that this would be a good time to settle every down since feelings were running particularly high. "H-Hey, maybe you guys should-"

He wasn't able to finish his sentence however, because Hinata replied, "Anyone can say that, but those are just empty words." The middle blocker wasn't satisfied with Yamaguchi's words, no matter how sweet they were. "What is so special about Tsukishima-san? He's always mean and crass," he remarked, sending a glare towards the megane.

"Oi, Hinata! Stop talking!" Kageyama barked, but his lover paid his words no attention.  _'This situation is spinning out of control,'_  he realized, noting that even Daichi-san was powerless to stop it.

Yamaguchi had no problem speaking up for his partner once again. "S-Sure, Tsukki may act like that around you guys, but he's different when he's around me! He's actually really caring and sweet, u-unlike your so-called 'King of the Court!'"

The freckled boy was out of breath from shouting so passionately, which Tsukishima was secretly relieved for. Before the smaller boy could continue, the blond quickly stepped to his side and wrapped his arm around his neck so he could cover his mouth with his hand. "It's about time you stopped talking, Tadashi," he said with an ill-tempered tone. As much as he wanted this entire thing to be over, both shrimpy and king were miffed at his boyfriend's last comment, meaning that they weren't going to let it end there.

While Kageyama only wore his signature scowl at the derogatory nickname, Hinata was bothered enough by the snide remarks for the both of them, and voiced his offense. "Tobio is plenty sweet and caring to me!" he yelled, the use of the setter's first name catching even Kageyama off guard. "It doesn't matter what you say about 'Tsukki,' because nothing compares to how Kageyama holds me whenever we make-"

Kageyama moved just in time, his hand muffling the rest of Hinata's little speech, although everyone could clearly guess what the redhead was going to say.  _'At least it's over now,'_  he thought, relieved yet wanting to murder his boyfriend for not shutting up sooner.

"Wait just a second, kouhai!" Kageyama sighed exasperatedly when Nishinoya-senpai spoke out.  _'When one mouth closes another one opens,'_  he thought bitterly as he directed his gaze to their libero in fear of what he would say.

"As your senpai, I'll let you two know something: neither one of you has the best boyfriend ever."

"Ehh?! But Nishinoya-senpai—" Hinata said after freeing his mouth from Kageyama's clutches. He was fully prepared to reason against his beloved upperclassman, but his senpai would have none of it.

"Listen well, Hinata! I know this because I have not one, but TWO boyfriends, and they are the best of the best!" Nishinoya proclaimed as he defiantly crossed his arms over his chest.

"T-Two?" the four first-years gasped in unison. Their eyes searched the gym until they landed on the ace, who looked like he was going to be sick.

Nishinoya noticed this as well, and made it a point to clap the taller man on the back. "Don't be embarrassed, Asahi!" he said, smiling brightly. "You should be more confident in yourself, you really are great!" Despite his words, Azumane just nodded once, too stunned and abashed to say anything.

"If Azumane-san is your boyfriend...then who is the other..?" Kageyama wondered aloud. His ears picked up on light sobbing sounds as his eyes landed on Tanaka.

"Yuu..! I don't know what to say!" he cried dramatically, sniffling and wiping his tears with his hand. "I just"—he tore off his shirt and swung it in the air—"I JUST LOVE YOU SO MUCH!"

…

"Wh-What the fuck?!" Tsukishima gasped, dying of laughter. He was soon joined by the other first-years, the sight too funny to pass up. After using his finger to wipe a tear from the corner of his eye, he said to Nishinoya, "Now Azumane-san, I can understand, b-but...Tanaka? Really? HA!" The blond burst into another fit of laughter.

When he realized that the other three were no longer laughing with him, he opened his eyes, only to find Tanaka's sharp orbs staring right back, not even a foot away from him. The spiker draped his arm across both Nishinoya and Azumane's shoulders before he made his signature scowl. "You got a problem with our three-way,  _city-boy_? Are we too poly _glamorous_  for you?"

"That pun was bad and you should feel bad," Tsukishima replied, his usual stoicism masking his features as he fixed his glasses.

"Now you're dissing my pun game? What the fuck-"

"Whoa, guys, lets calm down, okay?" Suga-san interrupted his hotheaded teammates, stepping between them to make sure they didn't actually start a fight. "Tanaka, put your shirt back on," he said with a frown, and the spiker pouted briefly before clothing himself again.

Kageyama released the breath he didn't know he was holding back, thankful that there was at least  _one_  other level-headed person on the team besides himself that could finally put an end to this—this whatever the hell it was.

But wait—there's more.

"You guys should know by now that I'll support you with anything and everything, but I have to disagree with Yuu, Hinata and Yamaguchi. I'm sorry, but none of you or your boyfriends can even hold a candle to my Daichi." He turned around to smile lovingly at the captain, causing him to blush furiously.

_'This isn't happening, this can't be happening, when will it end?!,'_  Kageyama repeated the mantra in his head, truly wondering if this vicious cycle of comparing boyfriends would ever meet its demise. Was he the only one that realized they were still in a match, and against their old-time rivals no less?

Apparently so, because the rest of the volleyball team continued with their meaningless banter. "But Suga," Tanaka chanted, "prepare for trouble, and make it double, because Team AsaTaNishi bests your one-man show every time!"

"One-man show, eh..." Daichi muttered, ready to unleash his wrath but Suga beat him to the punch.

"Daichi is all I need. He's supportive and strong, and he knows me better than I know myself. He's only one man, but he's more than enough for me."

Tanaka instantly deflated at that, Suga's sweet words hitting him in his core and making him tear up a bit. Even Daichi was moved, and went to stand by his lover's side. "Suga..." he murmured softly, capturing the vice-captains hand in his own.

"Not to mention he's really great with his hands," Suga said, giggling lightly when his boyfriend gripped his hand tightly out of embarrassment.

Kageyama couldn't take anymore of this, he was already on the brink of insanity as it was.  _'Is everyone in such a daze that they don't realize what they're saying? Are they not aware that this is neither the time nor the place for this?,'_  he questioned, gripping his short hair and ready to curl himself into fetal position if everyone didn't snap back to their senses. Hell, even Tsukishima didn't seem as bothered by the recent turn of events as he was, and that really worried him.  _'Maybe Nekoma can bring them back to reality,'_  he thought, a lightbulb going off over his head.

All of the Nekoma team members had been standing around just listening to Karasuno's ribbing, most of them just as confused as Kageyama was. Determined, he stalked over to the other side of the net, right up to Nekoma's team captain. "Why are you just standing here?" he asked, his gaze intense yet pleading (he really wanted this nonsense to stop).

Kuroo looked down at Karasuno's setter, still baffled by the conversation taking place on the other side of the net. He responded, "I came here to play a game, but it seems like your team has other priorities." The guy was leering over him despite being just a few inches taller, and it was so off-putting that Kageyama almost regretted coming over here, but he only did so out of desperation. He swallowed before continuing.

"W-Well, as you can see they've officially lost their shit," he said, emphasizing the last part with a few hand gestures. "They're over there talking about who has the better boyfriend, and if I were the team captain of Nekoma, I wouldn't let them disregard me and my time at our own gym."

The taller man considered his words silently, abruptly clapping him on the shoulder as he said, "You're right. If you'll excuse me." He took smooth strides as he walked, Nekoma's setter following him nervously as he came to stand at full attention on Karasuno's side. Kuroo took a deep breath, focusing his glare on the unruly team before him.

"LISTEN UP, YOU MEME-LOVING FUCKS," he bellowed. All of the couples (and the one triad, or whatever) stopped their arguing, directing their full attention at the opposing team's captain. Kenma nervously whispered, "Kuroo, you shouldn't have yelled that, now everyone's looking at us weird..."

"Good, they need to look at us because I have something important to say." He looked at Karasuno, speaking up once more. "I heard that you were talking shit, and you didn't think that I would hear it. People hear you talking like that, getting everybody fired up."

Kageyama nodded fiercely in agreement, not realizing that the older male was just warming up with lyrics from  _Hollaback Girl_. It seemed he was the only one, because virtually the rest of his team recognized the lyrics.

"A few times I've been around that track, so it's not just gonna happen like that."

"Um, c-can you get to the point, please?" Hinata asked hesitantly. He was so confused about what the blocker was trying to say.

"Alright, crows, now that I have your attention, listen closely, because I will only say this once." His stare got that more intense, willing the volleyball players to stare back just as intently.

"I'm really happy for you all, and I'mma let you finish, but Kenma is the best boyfriend of all time. The best boyfriend of all time!" With that, Kuroo hugged Kenma to his side, causing the smaller male to cower and attempt to curl in on himself in embarrassment.

Now, both teams erupted in noise, conjoining into one mass just to argue about whose boyfriend was better.

Kageyama couldn't take it anymore.

_'This must be a sign,'_  he panicked, looking for a solution to this  _thing_. Just when he thought he had found his last ray of hope, all was lost when he saw Coach Ukai and Take-sensei partaking in the discussion.  _'I must be entering the ninth gate of hell.'_  This time the setter didn't resist his urge to curl into the fetal position, wriggling around on the gym floor as the two teams clamored in the background.

**Author's Note:**

> If you're thinking 'that wasn't even crack' or 'holy shit that wasn't funny at all' then I'm sorry, please forgive me


End file.
